Some Personal Reflection

While I may be Jewish, and I believe my commitment to my faith & heritage has shown in my previous posts, I am not very observent at all. [Sidenote: not that I think my level of observence or lack thereof in comparison to others directly correlates to how worthy of a Jew/individual I am, though.] Still, the last time I went to Shabbat services was, admitely, last summer. I was in Washington D.C. participating in a summer internship program which provided me with the privilege of interning in the office of a member of Congress (who happened to be a Smith alum at that!) & a program alum who was also working in the city invited me.

Even though I'm proud to identify as someone who's Jewish and certainly wish I was more literate in the fine points of the Tanakh (the collective of Jewish scripture which includes the Torah), it's not very often that I'll actively contemplate what I am lucky enough to have learned. Lately, though, I've been thinking a lot about the rabbi's commentary on the parsha of the week during that last Shabbat service I attended- Moshe & the 12 spies he sent to the land of Israel. The rabbi mentioned how the Israelites were living in comfort- temperature control, manna readily available & the like. However, this comfort did not lead them to engage in much meaning in their lives, which can be a much more difficult process. We think we can find a middle ground between the two- a comfortable meaning, or a meaningful comfort- but in reality, this is not the case. It is necessary to give up a large amount of comfort to engage in what is meaningful.

He used the 12 individuals surveying the land of Israel seeing themselves as "spies", as "outsiders", as an example of the necessity of a paradigm shift. If we see ourselves as foreigners, as outsiders in a given situation, we will likely find what is necessary to adapt to this environment to be a burdensome "chore". Like several of the surveyors, we will view the challenges we face & then ask ourselves "why bother?". But if we see ourselves as otherwise, we will perhaps find some of these things as not so much a "chore" but a necessary component in order to grow into deeper meaning & understanding.

So what does this all have to do with my "Adventures in Andalucía"? When it comes to pushing myself out of my comfort zone in many ways- such as immersing myself in Spanish language & culture, following through in doing the hard work that's needed to improve my Spanish-speaking skills, living with a new family, participating in my study abroad program with 50+ students & staff whom I didn't know beforehand, living in a different country for the first time (albeit all for a mere four months), I think it has to do with a lot.

I only arrived in Córdoba two weeks ago, but already I find that I need to renew my commitment to gaining new meaning from this experience. Specifically, facing the fact that I won't find it by trying to hold onto a significant amount of comfort. Unsurprisingly, there have already been challenges I've faced, ones where I've found myself asking "why bother?". Except as corny as it sounds, I know how these personal challenges are not only necessary but challenges I know can fully own & take on successfully with a change in thinking.

But first I need to stop thinking of myself as an "outsider". It's not that I'm looking to ignore the fact that I'm an American in Spain, but that I need to stop feeling like an outsider looking in.